September 2, 2014 update
Figured it was time for a small update on all the various things going on, after all it's been a while. :)
I'm running a bit low on energy these days, not entirely sure why, but that also means that my main focus is getting back to a place where I have more energy, because that just means more things will happen (imagine that) and happen faster.
I'm happy to say that I haven't gone backwards in any way, quite the opposite, but things have stalled a little bit because of the absolute lack of energy. Regardless there's only one way forward though, so onwards I go! :)
I've discovered something as well: I'm tired. Not so much in the sense that I want to go to sleep, but more mentally, if that makes sense. I've been fighting for over 10 years now, from a point where I had nothing to fight with and could see no way out really. Even more so the vast majority of that time was spent fighting against an unknown enemy, because I didn't know what the cause of all this was and the people who were supposed to help me figure that out were useless... "Have some pills, get out more." - yeah, that's awesome - and if you could also please ignore me when I tell you it isn't working that'd be just great... >_<
This, of course, isn't an indication of lack of determination or anything, just more a realization of how I feel right now, likely coupled with the lack of energy these days.
And quite honestly I don't think anyone can really blame me for being a bit tired at this point, with everything I've gone through - not to mention what I still have to do, it does wear you down and that's only natural, I guess.
Another thing I've also realized is that sometimes I feel alone. Really alone. I know I'm not though and the reason I feel that way is pretty much my own fault. I have great friends and family that would listen to me if I just need to get things off my chest or talk a bit about stuff that might be bothering me, because at times it can be a little frustrating still being caught up in all this, in spite of me being in much, much better place now. But I don't because I don't want to burden them with my troubles, after all everyone has their own shit to deal with, no matter how big or small, so I just kind of don't do it and it's probably silly. I'm sure they'd all be happy to listen and want to help me, so yeah... I'm stupid, I guess.
Admittedly though part of it is also that I know they can't really change anything, which is sort of what I want to happen in those situations most of the time. In the end the only one who's going to fix all of this is me, but granted I'm not doing it alone - people are helping, if even so by simply just being my friend.
And let me take the opportunity to give a shout-out to all my friends: You're awesome and I appreciate every single one of you! <3
Something I've also been thinking about is related to the more romantic kind of relationships with the female portion of our species. I'm 35 now but I certainly don't feel it and even more so I'm not really in a place where I've lived a life "up until 35", if that makes sense. As I wrote in the main story my life has basically stood still and despite something like this really forcing you to grow up and take responsibility, it also means that I've missed out on some aspects of, shall we say, "living". This also means that I'm likely to not have very much in common with women around my own age, because they're likely at a much different point in their life than I am.
I have no issues with age differences (there was 6 years between my ex-girlfriend and me for instance), but it also gets to a point where to find someone more at my place in life they'll be fairly young - and why would they want an "old" fart like me? :)
Regardless it is what it is and I'll see what happens... I could just as well find someone around my own age who'd be perfect - after all you never know what life brings. :)
I'm very much still pursuing music creation and taking photographs. I enjoy both things immensely, but it can be hard doing the music stuff at times because there's A LOT to learn and it can be a bit too much at times for me. The photography is much more relaxing and easier to deal with, although not that I don't have a lot to learn there as well, it's much easier to deal with, it's a lot less "heavy" and after all in the end I just need to press the focus and shutter button (back focus button ftw!).
Anyway I hope that as I get more energy again I can get a lot more music done - I'm fairly confident that it will be the case at least. :)
I'm also gearing up to go live with a small project of sorts related to my music creation, so that's going to be all manners of exciting (totally will, trust me!). :)
I'm still dropping some of the excess weight (I think that not taking pills any more is helping with that naturally as well) and I'm going to intensify the exercising to get rid of the last few kilos as quickly as possible. If for nothing else it will make me feel better, more like my own self when I was in a better place.
But that's kind of the state of things these days and some random thoughts that I've had.
I have also sneakily added a way to contact me on the front page, in case you want to do that you now have the option (yay!).
Until next time: Don't forget to smile, treat people (and animals) nicely and think positive! :)